The Bid Day Out In December
Author: Mark Neilsen
Rock stars celebrate Christmas too you know. Just what happens for them around yuletide? Well before performing at the Big Day Out in January, here are some of the acts to talk about the big day in December. There’s Nfamas from 1200 Techniques, Jay from 28 Days, Bexta, Lindsay from Frenzal Rhomb, Ray from the Hard Ons, Kid Kenobi, Pinky from Machine Gun Fellatio, Jon from Pacifier, Geoff from Resin Dogs, Andy from The Living End, Josh from The Waifs and Juanita from Waikiki.
Which relative of yours is most likely to get sozzled at the family Xmas get together?
Nfamas: “I’m the one that gets sozzled!”
Jay: “My mad old uncle Jack always gets blind and then tried to cop a feel of everyone’s wives and girlfriends, then my auntie Elsie gets upset and cries and says what a bastard he is and then there’s an all in or something like that. Doesn’t everyone have a story like this to tell? Everyone’s got a variation on the theme of the pissed uncle haven’t they?”
Bexta: “Me. No, I think it’s more a question of who won’t!”
Lindsay: “My younger brother’s mother’s oldest son.”
Ray: “All my relos are in Korea and most of them don’t drink.”
Kid Kenobi: “Dad. His boys are always an excuse for one too many cases of beer.”
Pinky: “We don’t get sozzled in my family, we get stonkered.”
Jon: “Dad and Auntie Jean.”
Geoff: “Granny.”
Andy: “We all take turns. I think it’s dad’s turn this year.”
Josh: “My eccentric great Aunt Gladys. She gets sozzled every night on Chivas Regal – family get together or not.”
Juanita: “My dog, Jasmine.”
When’s the latest you’ve taken down an Xmas tree?
Nfamas: “I put an Xmas tree up in Easter one time. Don’t ask me what I was on.”
Jay: “You mean you’re supposed to take it down?”
Bexta: “Well, I had a live tree fir a couple of years. One year it took six months to take all the decorations off.”
Lindsay: “It’s been sitting there since December ’99”
Ray: “You’ll probably get a lot of people telling you the same answer. We’ve kept it on display until the following Xmas. It’s like making the bed- you’re going to mess it up later in the night anyhow. Yeah I know we’re talking one year but on another planet further from the sun, that would be nothing.”
Kid Kenobi: “It was dead and brown.”
Pinky: “Don’t be stupid. I don’t take down Xmas trees. I have minions for that sort of shit.”
Geoff: “About 1.30am.”
Andy: “When all the needles have fallen off. About February/March.”
Josh: “Don’t even have a house to put an Xmas tree up in.”
Juanita: “Never.”
What’s the best Xmas present you’ve received?
Nfamas: “My mum always use to buy me jocks at Xmas, usually I’d get ‘Target’ jocks, but one year she stepped it up and bought me some ‘Holeproof heroes’.”
Jay: “My son, three and a half weeks after Xmas.”
Bexta: “An above ground swimming pool when I was six. My parents spent all night putting it up for Christmas Day.”
Lindsay: “I remember once we woke up and there was a newborn baby on the doorstep. All wrapped up in swaddling clothes. He was so cute, all pink and wrinkly. Obviously some unfortunate mother had given him up and we were blessed with his arrival. Best Christmas dinner we’d had in years.”
Ray: “Money from my parents. That’s right, cold cash. Mmmmm…”
Kid Kenobi: “Transformers.”
Pinky: “I don’t generally talk out of school, but let me say, she was really good. She was really, really good.”
Jon: “Time off to hang out with my family followed in a close second place to my first half sized acoustic guitar at the age of eight.”
Geoff: “Money.”
Andy: “A radio in the shape of a naked lady (thanks Pop). You have to tweak her nipples to control the tuning and volume.”
Josh: “A kiss from a pretty girl.”
Juanita: ” A smartie.”
What Xmas carol would you cover?
Nfamas: “Jingle Bells. It’s the only one i can think of, plus it’s annoyingly catchy.”
Jay: “We’ve already done a Xmas carol. It was a big hit. You may have heard it, it’s called Rip It Up, it’s about opening presents on Xmas morning and ripping off the wrapping paper and then checking out what you got.”
Bexta: “I wouldn’t.”
Lindsay: “Here comes Santa’s pussy by the Frogs, or the traditional hymn, I saw daddy fisting Santa Claus.”
Ray: “You know what, I have the Phil Spector Xmas album and Darlene Love does White Xmas. It’s unreal. But as a whole I hate covers so I personally would not like to be involved.”
Kid Kenobi: “We Three Kings would make a good trip hop song.”
Pinky: “O Come All Ye Faithful because it’s just so GODDAMN FUCKEN DIRTY.”
Jon: “I fuckin’ hate Christmas carols but I’d do the one that goes ‘pa rup a pum pum’ just ’cause it rhymes with bum.”
Geoff: “Jingle Bells, mixed with LL Cool J’s Rock The Bells“.
Andy: “The Little Drummer Boy. Anything but Jingle Bells!”
Josh: “Don’t know any. Maybe I’ll try to write one.”
Juanita: “I don’t know any.”
Did you get any Xmas presents from your bandmates last year?
Nfamas: “Nup, the cheapskates! Well they are musos.”
Jay: “You are talking about the biggest pack of tight arses known to man. There is no way on earth anyone in this band would spend a cent on any of the others or anyone else really. Why would you spend money on presents when that would mean less money for booze and cigarettes for yourself? Come on guys, I’m sorry but you know it’s true.”
Lindsay: “Just the usual: headache, hangover, herpes.”
Pinky: “Yeah Widow Jones gave me a present. The rest of ’em are right stingy cunts.”
Jon: “Yes. Time away from me.”
Andy: “No, we didn’t even know each other.”
Josh: “No. We are usually trying to get a long way apart at Xmas cos’ we spend all the rest of the year together.
Juanita: “No! We hate each other.”
The Big Day Out happens Saturday 25 January at Sydney Showground.